It's been a very emotional week at the Littleton household. We've been sick and tired and grieving. Saturday was the anniversary of Grandpa Bill's passing. It was hard. We had a subdivision garage sale that day and thought that the day would be busy enough. I think the extra work and fatigue just added to the emotions. I found myself crying over the sale of this:
Yes, you see that right. I teared up over selling a 20 something year old, mauve, La Z Boy. Not only did this used to be Bill's chair, but it was THE chair in our nursery. We had a lot of late nights when Isaac was born and countless nights were spent rocking a baby in the dark in this chair. The chair was broken so it would recline, but not stay in a reclined position. So you couldn't sleep in it (I tried when I was big and pregnant and couldn't sleep laying down). And it squeaked loudly with every move. So while the babies were being rocked back to sleep, there came a point when you'd have to slowly quit rocking and scoot over to the edge of the chair. If the baby was asleep, you'd have to take your weight off of the chair every so slowly so it wouldn't creak and wake the baby.
Since the baby days, we also used the chair to read to the boys before bed time. Sometimes, when Asher wouldn't let me brush his teeth, I'd threaten to take him to the "pink chair" and lay him in my lap and force the tooth brush in his mouth. The night after we sold the chair, I found myself saying, "Asher, we're going to take you to the … uh… we're going to MAKE you brush your teeth…" It didn't have the same threat that the pink chair used to have.
We also sold the strollers and car seat, the crib, and a special pair of Asher's first shoes at the garage sale that just broke my heart. It was my decision to have this garage sale and to get rid of the baby stuff, but there's still going to be some grieving that comes with it. I think at any stage, I would have to eventually mourn the children that I never get to have and mourn the loss of the baby stage.
I'll be okay. I have Matt and Erika filling that hole for me!