An update: now and later.

I’ve been teaching a class at my church twice a week for the past 6 weeks.  It was a great class.  I poured my heart and soul into it and it has consumed me.  It has taken all of my time and energy and now it’s over.  And I have a headache and I’m relieved and I’m emotional.  I can only pray that it was meaningful to the participants.

Today, Isaac had a musical at school.  I was teaching the class this morning, so I missed it, but I got to see the dress rehearsal yesterday.  It was a great little musical, but the music teacher stopped the kids and restarted them many times.  I didn’t quite get the full affect.

He was Pinocchio.

Randall texted me, just before my class started that Isaac suddenly had a speaking part because another kid got sick.  I just got off the phone with Randall and he said Isaac did a great job.  This was the first time, I’ve wished my kids had a phone.  I wanted to tell Isaac now how sorry I was that I missed his performance.  I wanted to tell him now that I heard he’d done a great job.  I wanted to tell him now that I am so proud of him.

It’s been a crazy year with highs and a lot of new lows.  But we’ve been meeting with Isaac’s teacher and he’s doing really well.  I don’t know if he’s trying harder, or if the little tactics we’ve implemented are working, or if we’ve changed our expectations of him but it’s been a good last month or so.

In the class that I taught today, I asked everyone to look forward to the future with excitement. So on my way home, as I was wishing Isaac had a phone or some way I could quickly send him a little note of encouragement, I started to imagine our future.

Right now, we’re in this awkward stage of learning how to have a two way relationship.  Years ago, I just loved the snot out of him and he let me take care of him.  Now that he’s older and his personality is growing every day, he’s becoming his own person and choosing to separate himself from me.  Which is a natural part of growing up.

It has been hard to relate to him when he’s been proving to be so opposite of my personality.  But he is still mine.  He is still half me (though I’m sure the bigger half of him is made up of Randall).  I’ve found the one bond, I think, that will always connect us.

Isaac loves stories.  The boys always ask me to tell them stories.  Most of the time they just ask me to make one up, or tell an old favorite fairy tale.  Recently, the boys have been wanting to hear real stories from my life. We lost track of time last Saturday, just sitting and talking and telling stories.  We were supposed to meet up with friends and go to church together, but by the time I looked at my clock, I knew we weren’t going to make it in time.

The boys asked me last week to tell them the story of Harry Potter.  I’ve been telling them for years that they can’t watch the Harry Potter movies until they read the book.  We tried reading The Sorcerer’s Stone together last summer, but they just weren’t interested and I certainly didn’t want to push it on them.  But last week, they were asking for it again, so I got out my old paperback copy and started reading to them as they built with their legos.  The neighbor boys came over to play but they didn’t want to stop reading, so I read a chapter to the neighbor boys as well.


I was reminded of the very first time that I picked up the book.  My little sister was rereading the series before the first movie came out and I asked her to read it to me.  We were going to go see a movie together and had some time to kill.  So she and I took turns reading out loud to each other.  It’s a special moment I’ll never forget.

I’ve cherished the memories I’ve had of my dad reading to my siblings and me at bedtime when we were children.  I pray that my past will foreshadow the future, and someday Isaac will look back on his childhood and see the things we’ve had in common and remember these times as special moments.


One thought on “An update: now and later.”

  1. Well, I for one, was truly blessed by your sacrifice! I imagine you could tell from the tears rolling down my cheek in the tech booth! This last few weeks was an unexpected venture into a part of my soul that I had hid away… My journey (or story) is not over…it’s just beginning. But I have you and Lisa to thank, for not only starting my adventure, but allowing me to be a part of so many changed lives!! With a grateful heart…Thank you!! 🙂

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